The Sin of Sloth

"The Lord helps those who help themselves."

That's a phrase that a lot of people use. Now, I've always felt kind of conflicted about it. On the one hand, it is theoretically good advice. I mean, you can't expect God to help save you with miracles all the time. Probably because he's a fairy tale you humans dreamed up. Ultimately, you are in control of your own destiny. It's up to you to improve your lot in life.

On the other hand, it also feels like an excuse. Like people started saying to justify not lending a hand to others, so that they could pretend that their own selfishness was holy and righteous and what Jesus taught. And I think that this meaning is all too common, and that the phrase has started to become damaging.

But the first meaning-- that I can get behind. And I think that it might be what whoever coined the phrase actually meant. Not living to your full potential was seen as sinful in the early Church. You know how Sloth is one of the seven deadly sins? And how nowadays, it's used to mean laziness? Originally, Sloth was about apathy. It was about not caring around the world around you, and squandering your God-given talents. You have great potential in you, and you commit the sin of Sloth when you fail to use that potential to better the world.

I admit, these days, I've been feeling awfully Slothful. I've spent the last few weeks doing nothing. I know, it's very boring. When I agreed to work with the SMSC... I don't know, I thought I'd be making a difference in people's lives. I'd thought I'd be making the world a better place.

But I was wrong. All I've done so far is sit around and watch things happen. My agency is restrained by, well, agents. Even if I knew of a way to make a difference, I wouldn't be allowed to. So I can do is wait around for whatever purpose it is that the Mother of Snakes has in mind for me. No way out, no way to fight. And the worst part is that I allowed myself to be put in this situation when I signed up with the SMSC.

I am guilty of Sloth.